A Legacy Of Lesbian Love Letters (No 3) - DEAR SAPPHO

From the book DEAR SAPPHO A Legacy of Lesbian Love Letters by KAY TURNER

July 1961
Dearest Judy,
It's late in the night.  I'm tired, yet I can't go to sleep.  Have you ever lain in your bed, your head lost in the pillow . . . your teeth clenched tight so that they'll keep you from screaming out loud - all because you miss somebody so very much?  It's a miserable feeling.  My eyes cry desperately for sleep, they are ready to close and die away.  But my mind can't.  Thoughts . . . violate its peace, like a swirling tornado.  And one persistent thought keeps imposing itself on the others:  I want to see her.  Please, I've got to see her.
Something stirs inside my chest.  Like a hand gripping my heart, suffocating me.  I want to breathe hard and fast, I want to cry.  Where are the tears?  Even they don't come.  Nothing comes.  God!  Is it possible to miss someone so much? . . . I know that first thing tomorrow morning I'll call you, because I must talk to you.
I remember what you said the other night - that you're scared. . .  So am I . . . But I'm also desperately in love.  In love with everything in you and about you.  In love with your thoughts, in love with your face, in love with your feelings and emotions.  Is it wrong to feel this way? . . .
Do you feel the same way? . . .  All I know is that right now the way I feel is the way of my life.  And I've always believed that there's nothing I care more about than the way of my life.
There must be something wrong with the world, I think.  Why should we be afraid of waht we feel, of what we think?  Why should they be right and we wrong? . . . It's not just a matter of a woman falling in love with another woman, it's a whole way of approaching life, a whole series of beliefs and ideals, and feelings that is at stake.  And I'm too selfish, too self-confident, to accept theirs instead of mine.  In a way, I'm scared only because you are.  I don't want to cause you any trouble . . .  But for myself I don't care.  I'm in love.  What does it matter whether it's a man or a woman?  Love is wonderful, marvelous, beautiful in all its forms and aspects.  Love is love.
I love you, Judy.  I say it and I don't care, I'm not ashamed.  I want to say it again and again.  I love you Judy. Judy, I love you.
Charoula


CHAROULA TO JUDY
Charoula fell in love with Judy at Vassar College in the early 1960s.  But Judy was a bit of a butterfly, unable to commit.  She had a brief affair with Gail and at the same time introduced Charoula to her.  Then Gail and Charoula became lovers and they have been together ever since, thirty-three years and counting (1996).  In 1968, upon hearing the Beatles' song about aging, Gail wrote to Charoula, ''If I love you so much when I'm 31, it is impossible to think of the amount and strength when I'm 64....''